Darth Vader is the new star in the video game world. But instead of keeping it to the Empire, Darth is ready to take on the best from the most popular video games – Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Tekken, Dungeons and Dragons, Warcraft, Streets of Rage, and Double Dragon.
He has been doing some training for his combats at the Empire Gym, letting fly with the Empire-cal power. Darth has been practicing the two-finger throat crush, the one finger workout, the light-saber duel (Luke don’t intervene please), the raise your fingers to the roof move, the Darth walk, and taking on inter-galactic creatures from close to home and far and wide. It sounds like The Darth Olympics doesn’t it.
First is Street Fighter. As you would probably guess, Darth beats the field (here we go) and is now down to Ryu and Ken. Both fights end up in a draw. What happened there Darth, you might say? So Ryu and Ken decide to gang up on Darth. They don’t realize that Darth actually likes these types of challenges. During the battle, Darth uses the one finger workout and uses a blend of zappestry and laugh-your-socks-off belly laughs to get at Ryu and Ken. Ryu and Ken’s Ardooken, you know the one, brings a Hoohahaha chuckle to Darth at one stage, temporarily disabling him. But…Darth wins, because it is his Darth Chronicles, that’s why. Oh man, where’s the in-depth, specific commentary and analysis, you might say, in a galaxy far, far away, that’s where.
Next is Mortal Kombat. Darth goes through some serious zappestry to go through these fighting experts, who have more of his fighting approach. ”You fools, you think you can defeat me, Hoo-hahaha.” Sub-Zero, Scorpion, Raiden, and then, some heated exchanges between Johnny Cage and Liu Kang. Then what? Darth wins again. Hoo-hahaha…yes, but not after taking a beating from the master himself, and final obstacle, the man-dragon Goro. Darth has to bring out The Darth Olympics to beat Goro, getting thrown around like an Empire-cal rag doll for a while – ”this won’t last much longer, I guarantee” (Darth), leaving him a bit battered and bruised.
But it is The Darth Chronicles, and Darth wins. Darth’s favorites are WarCraft and Dungeons and Dragons, even more so than Street Fighter and Mortal Combat, because Darth can use all his Empire-cal battle tactics and strategies and can call on his gang of Dark-sided hoodlums in the Empire to help out (he’s reminiscing right now), sitting back and relaxing for a while with an Empire-cal-made coffee (Poweroffee), hot chocolate (Chocower) or herbal tea (Powermile – Camomile). I did not go into in-depth analysis and commentary, because it would have been another battle from the inexhaustible number of battle scenes that have come and gone.